“All I had to do was ask myself every day, for the first time in my life, “What would you enjoy doing today? What would bring you pleasure right now?” With nobody else’s agenda to consider and no other obligations to worry about, this question finally became distilled and absolutely self-specific.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat Pray Love”

I have come to a time in my life where I have no obligations to family. I am finally on my own, the children have moved out and started their own lives. While I have no difficulty separating myself, (I’m sure I was a hermit on a hilltop in a previous life), it seems that others do not recognize or have difficulty honoring my boundaries and needs for separation.

Our Apple products allow myself and the children to see each other’s locations. I very rarely look at it. I firmly believe they are capable of autonomy in where they go and what they do. I have to let them go and find their way. I’m still here to offer advice but I don’t need to keep tabs on their every move. The lesson is more difficult for them. “Why are you at the hospital?” or “Where are you going?” or the text messages that I may not answer immediately — “Mom” and then “Momma” and then “MOM” which then leads to “Hellooooo”

Other than the days I work and the random appointment, I have no obligations to be anywhere or do anything at a certain time. My life up to this point has been so scheduled, so entrenched in others expectations and needs and plans — I choose to practice what the Italians refer to as il bel far niente or “the art of doing nothing.” The kicker is I’m not ever doing nothing although it may appear to some that I am doing absolutely nothing.

I have things that I need to do and they get done, but I also make time for naps, for reading, for cooking, relaxing, walking. I am tired of the rushing around and the hurry and the scurry. I am more than halfway through my life and I want to enjoy it without the distractions of others feeling their wants and desires are more important than mine. I have put so many things on the back burner to give to others what they wanted, or desired or felt they needed. I am the type of person who will give someone everything I have – money, energy, love, and attention to show the depth of my caring. Now it is time for me to show myself that same love and attention.

Alone is not lonely. Alone is the quiet solitude that I need. Not want . . . need. The ability to wake up every morning and ask myself, “What do you want to do? What would bring you pleasure today?” Working on my house brings me pleasure, studying brings me pleasure, walking brings me pleasure, making my space my own . . . brings me pleasure. Maybe some time in the future I will change my mind or I will not need the seclusion that I crave now. Who knows?