“You didn’t just find a self out there waiting. You had to make one. You had to create who you wanted to be.” ~ Brit Bennett

I have yet to see the Barbie movie, but from the reviews I have read and heard, I plan on watching it. Having been expected to conform to the expectations of others, whether it be my parents, or the men to whom I was married – I can understand both sides of the argument.

The Bible adresses the order of family – children are to be obedient to the parents (Ephesians 6:1-4) with the admonition that parents are not to exasperate their children. There’s a dual responsibility involved – the parents are responsible to raise the children with love and discipline and the children are then to obey the parents. Parents who are verbally, physically or mentally abusive should not expect to have obedient children — they have negated their responsibility.

Similarly, the Bible also addresses the order of marriage – Ephesians 5:23 names the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church but places a responsibility on the husband in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church . . . ” I don’t recall Christ sitting back and watching TV while telling the disciples to go become fishers of men. I don’t believe for one second that Christ was just hanging with the disciples while expecting his female followers to cook, clean, do laundry, shop and otherwise provide for his needs. Unfortunately, society has allowed men to lead a double standard of life. From what I understand, many men do not like the Barbie movie for the fact that Ken feels like a second-rate citizen and chafes at the Barbieworld run by female Barbies – in essence the shoe is on the other foot and men don’t like the way it makes them feel.

For years, I was obedient (or at least tried to be) to my mother’s wishes despite realizing that it was a losing battle. After I married, I was not free to be myself – my clothing, my friends, my musical tastes, the hours I worked, my choice to homeschool (even though it was agreed upon), the vehicles I purchased — all of it was up for criticism. Yet my ex-‘s expected and did what they wanted, when they wanted, with whomever they wanted and I was not to question it.

These past few months have been almost blissful, despite not feeling well. I go to work, I work on the house as I feel up to it, I play the piano when I feel it, I eat whatever I feel like cooking, I work in the yard, I read when I want, nap when I want – for the first time in a long time I don’t feel that I owe anyone an explanation for what I choose to do. I don’t ask permission of anyone.

And I like it!

I’m sure there are those who will disagree or fail to understand my thoughts and feelings on this. I’m exhausted from spending most of my life putting the needs and expectations of others ahead of my own. On one hand, it is a noble thing to do in some cases. When it comes at the expense of feeling as if you don’t know who you are or what you want because you’ve told everyone what they want to hear, it is not a good thing at all. Stand by while I forge my path.