A few posts back, I addressed the fact that I was reading ‘Eat Pray Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert and how the book resonates with me during this period of my life. She found herself alone, I am alone. She felt untethered, unsure but wanting to define herself further. After 26 years as mom, provider, wife, girlfriend, chief cook and bottle washer in the home — I too have been trying to determine not my place exactly, but my role in life.
As a mom, with the children having moved out, I no longer have to harangue people to wake up on time for school, or try to plan meals that will please every palate, or schedule my workday around doctor and orthodontist appointments. Funnily enough, they are having difficulty grasping at times that my entire world does not revolve around their needs.
As a wife, traditionally both partners are working. In my case, until the last few years, I was the major if not the sole breadwinner. The men I previously married had fragile ego’s and I had to downplay my education, accomplishments or ideas so as not to offend or make them appear ‘less than.’ I had a former husband who was so insecure in his own worth, he just knew that every blog post, every FB post, or every comment that left my lips or came from my fingers was all about him. What a narcissistic ass!
With these changes in my life over the past few months, my role and my purpose in life has changed significantly. Much like Ms. Gilbert in “Eat Pray Love,” I have been spending time, praying, meditating, reading, searching to determine what direction I wish my life to take.
To be a secure and happy person, confident in your desires, needs and interests does not detract from any other person’s worth as a person. It’s known as ‘individuality’ and some find it threatening. Rather, both being secure in who they are should enhance a relationship without the need for ego stroking. I am a person, in my own right.
I leave this post with a quote from Ms. Gilbert’s book:
“I think about the woman I have become lately, about the life that I am now living, and about how much I always wanted to be this person and live this life, liberated from the farce of pretending to be anyone other than myself. I think of everything I endured before getting here and wondered if it was me . . . who pulled the other, younger, more confused and more struggling me forward during all those hard years.”
I know who and what I am: strong, secure, quick-witted, smart, kind, knowledgeable, discerning, thoughtful, quiet, pleasant, decisive, friendly, fair, encouraging, mentoring, faithful, energetic, private, prayerful, attentive, wise, playful, resilient, curious and many more. Anyone who cannot deal with those attributes will not last long in my company.
The Road Back Home 