Random Thoughts

Who You Say I Am

“I keep fighting voices in my head that say I’m not enough.  Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.” ~ Lauren Daigle

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The quote above is from a popular song by Christian artist, Lauren Daigle.  The gist of the song is that regardless of how we see ourselves, God tells us that we are enough — that we are loved.  The chorus is as follows:

“You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing.
You say I am strong when I think I am weak,
And You say I am held when I am falling short.
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours.”

Oftentimes, the view we have of ourselves is skewed based on past experiences.  We have a tendency to weigh the present and the future against our past.  Scientists have predicted with great accuracy the ratio of positive-to-negative interactions needed to positively impact many aspects of our life.  That magic number is 5:1.

For every negative experience or comment, it requires FIVE positive experiences or comments just to negate the one negative. (Does this make it a double negative?!?) Anyway . . . 

This formula has been used to successfully predict work performance and even marriage success.  Based on 15-minute conversations with 700 newlywed couples, tallying their positive-to-negative comments, scientists predicted which couples would divorce.  Ten years later, their predictions were 94% accurate.  Was the divorce based solely on this factor?  Probably not.  But how much of this actually had an effect on the marriage and/or contribute to the dissatisfaction in the marriage?

All of this to say . . . 

I am struggling some days.  Much like my reflection in the photo above, my view of myself is distorted based on past experience. (Yes, that is actually a photo I took of myself in a mirrored panel at Sheridan’s Custard in Belton, Missouri.)  Being privy to my own thoughts, I have difficulty reconciling my perception of who I am to the perception others have of me.

To me, what I do is just . . . what I do. 

  • I wanted to learn, so I went to school and got multiple degrees.  Anyone can do that.
  • I sign-up for free training to learn even more.  Anyone can do that.
  • I went to the fire academy and became a hazmat tech.  There are a lot of those.
  • I like to read, therefore I know a lot of facts and trivia.  Anyone can do that.

I guess my thought is that there is nothing I have done, that many others before me and probably after me, haven’t done as well or will do.  I look around at the people in my classes, and the people I work with and I think what a privilege it is to even be in the same room, doing the things I do.  What a gift it is to have all these opportunities available . . . I just chose to avail myself of the possibilities.

So, we come to the last two lines of the chorus:

“I believe, oh I believe.                                                               What you say of me, Yes I believe.”

 

HOW do I learn to believe?

 

 

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