The other day I was speaking with someone and they off-handedly said,
“Your parents must be proud of you!”
And for a second, it seemed the air was sucked out of my lungs.
I couldn’t catch my breath.
My eyes stung with hot tears.
The pain twisted in my gut so sharp it was as if a knife had lodged beneath my diaphragm.
How do you tell someone who only sees the best in you. . .
“No. No, my parents would not be proud of me. Nothing I could ever accomplish would have made them proud of me.”
How do you convey to someone that your worth was nothing to your own parents? And why, after 51 years, does it still strike at unforseen moments such as a simple comment?
I pray that my children will always know that they are blessings to me and that I love them unconditionally.
One thought on “Raw nerves”
Well “just Karen”… I’ve only known you for going on two years. I consider us close. Having had numerous conversations about this subject and many others I can only share my observation. Knowing what you’re history is and knowing the person you are now It’s safe to say that the experiences of your youth have shaped you into who you are today. I and anyone who truly knows you would attest to the fact that you are a laundry list of positive attributes. I won’t list them as to not betray your “just Karen” view of yourself. You are the exact opposite type of person you’ve explained your parents to be and having seen you interact with your children I’m sure that they know you love and appreciate them as they do you.