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Tired and thoughtful

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.” ~ Katie Reed

abstract blur bright christmas
Photo by Meve R. on Pexels.com

I don’t know how to even describe it.  As if my bones ache from the inside out.  Perhaps it’s the weather, or the stress of the holidays or random inflammation of SLE.  The cause is insignificant at this point — taking care of myself is the important part.

I think people are so accustomed to seeing me as busy and energetic, they don’t realize the level of strength it sometimes takes to get through a normal, ordinary day.  It is frustrating to feel the expectations others seem to have of how I should look or act or what I should do —

Hey! I’m just trying to get through today.

A co-worker asked me today if I’d feel up to doing something I’m scheduled to do tomorrow.  I laughed.  My reply may seem simplistic, but it was truthful, “I don’t know — tomorrow is a different day.”

Tomorrow may be a better day, it may be a worse day.  But regardless, I will feel the way I feel despite what I am scheduled or have to do.  I just do it.  I cannot and will not sit about waiting until I feel “good” — those days lately are few and far between.  I will accomplish what I accomplish and anyone with any further expectations of me can just check them at the door.

As I ate my dinner tonight, I was considering friendship.  I tell my friends often, “I love you.”  It seems that folks forget that it’s okay to love in a friendly way, versus a romantic manner.  Especially when we are going through circumstances that may result in people distancing themselves, or turning their backs on us, or seeming to forget we exist . . . a true friend that sticks through thick and thin is a wonderful thing to have.  I have had a few of those and they are wonderful friends indeed.  As I was considering this, I came across something I wrote two years ago, and I will share it here.

“I love you.”

A simple phrase that is fully capable of standing alone.  Too often, we feel we must qualify it with “because. . . .”

“I love you because . . . “

To be loved, simply because you ARE, because you exist, is the greatest gift.  Not because of your accomplishments, what you do, your earnings potential, or how you make someone feel.

When we add qualifiers, we detract from the statement.  We detract from the meaning of someone’s existence.  Essentially we are saying, “you, in and of yourself, are not enough reason to be loved.”

We have this need to fill life with fluff.  With noise.  With fillers.

“I love you.”

Period.

And with that thought, I leave you.

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